As the Phoenix rises from the Ashes:
I am sitting in a coffee shop in Long Beach, California, reflecting on the past 24 months, so filled with gratitude for the adventures and blessings I have been served. I have had some heart wrenching experiences and some marvelously magical moments, from paragliding in the Himalayas to Camel rides from the Egyptian Pyramids to the Sphinx, some intense research and soul searching from surrendering to my path and purpose to deep journeys inwards. If you would care to journey back with me 24 months ago to the point in which the mystical Phoenix joined my path, I will share with you magic and rawness.
It was 3 weeks after mum passed, I had just been to my first protest at the G20 (the global gathering of 20 of the world’s leaders), I was protesting with the group known as “Anonymous” for the discussion of Decolonisation, I was invited by my friend Simon that day, after near no sleep the night before preparing for a garage sale and my first ever Event for Free Hugs 4 Awareness (campaign giving hugs to change the stigma for mental health and suicide), I was full of beans and I remember meeting an amazing soul Greg Johnson, we talked all day while sharing the banner being carried, laughing and sharing our journeys, I gave Greg my number to help him with Marketing for his business, Poetry Portraits, which I loved the concept of as a fellow poet. This was a changing moment in my life, for Greg became my greatest friend and my most trusted guardian on my journey a true Angel on my path. The following morning Greg showed up in the City of Brisbane and called me to see where I was, shocked as I was, for today was my first event. I had very little sleep the night before getting the T-shirts, signs and business cards ready for the day. I was so happy and grateful to see Greg, and have contacts from the previous day through him, who were going to interview me for the event. We had predicted not so many people in the city due to the Terrorist threats for the G20 and being the following day there were less police around, but still many people. After an interview and some photos, Greg and Simon came with me to meet up with my sister Melissa and the Friend off facebook who kindly offered to film some of the event for a video, Ryan Kelly, little did I know how much this day also would affect the next 24 months of my life.
As I saw Ryan he had a hat on with Ned (Nickname to do with Ned Kelly) on the front, so I was a little confused, as Melissa had mentioned my friend Ned was there waiting with her and the people from the newspaper to interview me and take some pictures. I had an immediate feeling of calm and recognition but due to the business of everything going on I was distracted. Several hours passed and we had a total of 7 volunteers to give out hugs, I was blown away and so excited to see the video, everyone went their separate ways and I gave a homeless guy one of the spare T-shirts to wear as we left. I organised to following week to give Ryan the music for the Video, as it was important to me to use a specific song, which I had heard the band playing live one day in the city on my way to give out hugs and the Lyrics of “Fragments” by Tiger Lilly just stopped me in my tracks to only hear the final verse and I was taken over to go and get a CD, knowing this was the song for the video. So I rode over to Ryan’s and instead of working on the video, we chatted for hours, I cancelled my meet up with my little sister and before we knew it time had flown by. Ryan went to pick up his son Ben from school and left me in his house while he was gone, as I looked around his house I was blown away by a sense of home I had never felt before, it felt like magic and mystery and warmth, I pondered the peculiarity of Ryan leaving me in his house alone without knowing me. When Ben arrived with his dad, he went straight to play outside but he gave Ryan a paper flower to give me. As I held the paper flower I was moved, I didn’t know what it meant, but it looked different from most flowers I had seen and I didn’t even see Ben until he came in from playing and wanted to cuddle Ryan. I left soon and had a perplexing feeling about what had unfolded; I left the flower behind as to not squash it in my bag on my motorbike. I felt a pull, a massive pull, Ryan messaged me to organize more about the video he was editing and we began to chat some, a bit deeper than the superficial chats we had before we meet a week ago.
As time passed I had stayed at Ryans to watch a movie and he moved over to cuddle me, it felt so familiar and I felt so connected to Ben, as Ryan explained stuff about his time in the army and how hard things had been with his ex wife’s drinking and how it affected Ben, I felt so sad. Ryan slept on the couch that night, but not before asking to try something while tucking me in and kissing me gently and walking out, I fell asleep on cloud nine that night. A week later I was at a shop buying Ryan a ring with a red gem, not knowing why and trusting this desire, I got his names meaning engraved inside “Little King” and was taking in that weekend to give him and for all of us to go to a Pop culture convention since neither of them had been before. When I gave Ryan the ring with a skull and roses, he told me his favourite colour was red, (he had never told me that), he then pulled out a single red rose and dark chocolate, I was in shock, no one had ever surprised me like that for no reason, we had only met 3 weeks before and by the end of the weekend we had both said “I Love You”, after already telling everyone else how we felt. One day the following week at Ryans place his phone rang and it was his Nan, I answered it for him and she knew who I was, this really blew me away, I felt like I was in a faery tale. This was so soothing, 6 weeks after mums passing, someone showing up to help soothe the loss.
After this intensity there was much soul gazing, I was to be traveling soon and on quite the choosen spiritual path, the Dharma of spiritual liberation, so I had chosen to be celibate until I returned in May the following year from my first solo adventure overseas, Ryan respected this to my shock and was amazing, he mentioned one day wonder where I came from and said I was an angel from Heaven, we had nicknamed each other Sun of my Life and Moon and stars, after the nicknames of characters who where in love on the TV series and Book “Game of Throwns” which we both loved, my names meaning coming from Mount Cynthus in Greece and being linked to Artemis the Moon Goddess and Ryan being and Aries and Fiery. I was guided one day while laying on the floor at Ryan’s place to look up past life regression, after Simon had mentioned it a few weeks previous, due to me and his connection and feeling of a time in Europe with war where we knew each other. I booked in online and got a message from a lady named Cat. When I went to my appointment I was blown away, by the Egyptian pillars in her session room and the essential oils, I had previously been studying up on Egypt and my affinity to it and studying essential oils since my struggles in my youth. On the wall hung a picture of an Egyptian cat which the words “Cats Office”, this triggered a memory of me talking to people as a little girl saying that if reincarnation exists I was a cat in a past life, I am flexible and have many feline qualities. After this session I was blown away, not only did I see myself at the same age in Egypt, called Sarah (a close friends name at the time who had just been talking about how oddly her cat acted around me compared to others), but I had a little girl of 6 and my brother of that life had stabbed me through the heart and killed me. I saw into my vision and recognized the soul as an ex manager in this life, who had bullied me for 10 months before leaving with no job and then breaking up with my than current long term partner after the stress of money. This person name was Michael, the same as my youngest brother in this life, I had also been staying for 3 months right near this old work and had been pulled to it with no idea why the past 3 weeks while riding past. On my ride home while thinking about all that had transpired, including a channeling of my mum, which nearly made me cry and had confirmed a sense of her around me still, I went to ride past the old job and pulled in to go confront Michael. I approached it with an opening of my soul searching and forgave him for how he had treated me several years earlier and thanked him for getting me to move on to greater things, he was a bit shocked and I left so much lighter and so transformed.
One day the passion got too much for me and Ryan than we slept together, it had been nearly a year since I had been with anyone and I was shocked at how connected we were, the day after I was concerned I was pregnant in the passion of it all and nothing being used to prevent it, when I told Ryan he shut off and after that everything disappeared like awoken from a dream. Things fell away, my ego kicked in and I wanted all the connection and openness back. I saw him again one last time before leaving weeks later on my 8 week pilgrimage overseas, he asked me to stay and watch a movie with him and his sister, we slept on opposite sides of the bed and all night I would feel a huge pull and play of energy, the next day he asked to cuddle and then asked me what was wrong, I told him I felt he didn’t think he could trust me and I knew he didn’t want me to go, he agreed but said he wouldn’t hold me back, that morning he kissed me goodbye and I left feeling a renewed hope and it was the last time I saw him until May the following year, when I was living with Greg. My adventure overseas was amazing as the stories unfold in this way as written and Magic in Egypt, India, Greece, Italy, Nepal and China. On my travels I begin to notice that the word or image of a phoenix is repeatedly showing up.
When living with Greg, I was free to do some study into philosophy and past times, I came across a link from Artemis to the Egyptian Cat Goddess Sekhmet and am blown away, than when researching the Phoenix I come across an Egyptian Phoenix called the Benu bird and I am in even more shock at the connection, Ben had been obsessed with birds and wanted to be a bird scientist. For some people this is just coincidence, when one experiences the connections and magical things I have, I stopped believing in coincidences. I had become so close to Ben in a short time and missed him so much, maybe even more than Ryan, this hit a nerve and as my search deepened I found threads linking the name Ryan to El Ryan, a gate to Heaven, Orion constellation, and Orion’s belt being aligned to the 3 pyramids. As life unfolded and I reached out to Ryan, there was even more of a wall, I was hurting and longing still for his connection.
End of 2015 I connected with a guy called Paul who had a huge connection to Egypt, he took me to see my first Medium who was talking about my gender battle within, she mentioned my Native American life being really important to my current life. I had gone back to see Cat after returning from my trip and seen myself as a male Native American, with a daughter similar age to my Egyptian life and I had a wife who I loved very much, I also saw myself as an Arabic princess who was taken from a place by force where there was a man in the distance and I was in a garden in Greece with mosaics, at my final stop I saw myself dead in an alley after having been rapped, for speaking up. So the connections continued to grow, I started studying more about Egypt and the constellations through astrology and connected with more spiritual people. My draw to Phoenix and America continued and after a spiritual retreat in Australia I had a connection to my affinity to Dolphins, Hawaii and also fairies. At this retreat I had a vision of me, my Egyptian and Native American ancestors, a dolphin, a dragon, a wolf, the phoenix, Artemis, Archangel Gabriel and more, at the end of which I saw myself grow butterfly wings and fly around the room. After my experiences with Ryan I had begin to look into the experience of Twin Flame souls and felt he was mine, from the recognition and the telepathic experiences we had, we had also discussed that both had asked the universe for someone at perhaps the exact same moment weeks before we had met while looking up at the sky and saying we were ready.
After many more medium readings about travel, America, Facebook saying twice I was in America, phoenix sighting galore showing up more and more, I get told I am from the constellation of the Pleiades and a memory of Greg’s best friend from his youth pops into my head, Shaun an ex Navy man who said he was from there and also shared an affinity to dolphins and wolves, I hadn’t spoken to him for some time. I have recently been channelling so much, from messages for my path, messages for others, projects to bring to this world from Unity Movements to festivals, to oracle cards and healing from times long gone that are in our distant memories of the collective conscious, I was told soon I would be channelling messages from the Pleiades. As I look over my research and do some more in conjunction with my recent messages, I find a link from the Pleiades to Orion, as a key and the message that the 7 sisters of the Pleiades were maidens of Artemis, as new information falls in my path, I connect to people and attract others to create the amazing story unfolding before me, I work to remain grounded. At Pauls place back in December of 2015 nearly a year ago, at the capstone of Alexandra headlands I am guided to go to Bali to give a hug to a new friend, based on inner guidance and the money I hadn’t expected showed up. I get a Native American headdress and a sunflower (the symbol of my mum) tattooed on my back with her Name in the petals and a smiley face in the centre as she thought I would be a sunflower if I was a flower and they were her favourite flower, I get goosebumps as I write his as even more connections too much to put into words at this very moment splash past my mind, links to Pleading butterflies, my first tattoo with my mum being there to support it, a girl called Ky Ra back in Australia with ties to butterflies and other galactic connections, her ex-partner Byron (a Galactic Shaman) and him being in the states right near me and me being told of him by a new friend on Facebook and much more. With my tattoo done in January, back in Australia I discovered within my mums name, her middle name Mary and Surname Andrews at the very bottom of these two joined says Ryan (VonMaRYANdrews), I was so shocked and also frustrated as the thought of him and Ben are still painful.
Three months ago I met a guy named Jesse, we connected before we met and I had been overcome with insight as we first txt each other, speaking of growth and lessons we just clicked. Thinking nothing of it as I was busy with my projects we kept connecting online and I had been receiving visions of a Kissing someone, which I thought to be strange, it had been a while since I had been with anyone before my Hitch Hike around Australia in March of this year and having an unfortunate experience with a guy named Paul (seems to show up a lot for me). When me and Jesse met, there was an understanding, I was guided to give him a heart Key from Uki, a magical town in NSW near Byron, where Melissa (sister) my fairy cousin Keeta and me had spoken of magic, we all got a different key and mine had a heart on it, I wore this key around my neck for months and after my experience months later at the Spiritual Retreat in the same town, I felt its connection to the faery realm and Avalon. I had no clue why I was guided to give this Key to Jesse (nickname JC, opposite to my initials CJ), I had found the key under the bed that morning and had forgotten about it, I was also guided to give Jesse a Rose Quarts crystal (ring to Ryan had roses on it). Jesse was a bit blown away by this and I had told him my guides told me to give it to him and I didn’t know why, after speaking my story and mentioning Ben and my connection and the special abilities I noticed in Ben and mentioning the Phoenix, Jesse said to me “Did you know I have a tattoo of the Phoenix” I looked at him and laughed as if to say, Oh of course you do.
As time went on me and Jesse kept talking and connecting and a few weeks later I had organized to go to a Buddhist temple with him at the sunshine coast, after he had mentioned his past life as a Monk, we were in silence and just enjoyed each other’s energy. I stayed at his place that night and the next, on the second night we held hands all night and I slept with a smile on my face. Move forward and we had 2 weeks of amazing adventures, we were in a relationship, had 30 mins of soul gazing before our first kiss and I realized my premonitions were of him. Things changed weeks later when I moved in with Jesse after being kicked out of my dad’s house, before travelling overseas, we felt like 6 weeks together, which was how long it lasted (about the same as me and Ryan) was more like 6 years, we confirmed we felt 3 previous lives together and sometimes spoke a different language. As we split after a fight, for something petty and we both learned, money showed up for me to leave to the states, I was again at the same place, at my friend Paul’s house, co incidence? I think not, the bond between us grew and I saw his soul everywhere, even though his person and body had shut off from our love and connection to some degree, he had acknowledged our bond and its growth, psychic and otherwise, I began to feel drained and used while he was helping others and I had to cut off for both of us to walk a separate journey. Jesse and I both knew our time would be short this moment together and I didn’t want to let go of our magic and bond of infinite potential. I feel sorrow for this parting and know I need it for me and for him to heal, although I think of him so much and the time spent with his Angels (sons) Azrael and Xavier, the shared moments, cuddling and wrestling, their laughter, Jesses amazing smile which melted my heart and the long soul gazes into heaven in Jesse’s eyes when things were simple before the title of couple and relationship, which I never wanted but is part of my journey to newness in this world. When staying with a friend in Australia, I had some energy and clearing work done, she had gone into the shadow realm and was able to see one of my animal spirit guides was a white Phoenix, which did not surprise me at all, it guides me through this journey of life, with cycles of death of parts and the rebirth of my soul coming to remember a time so long ago, of peace, unity and harmony. I NOW am surrendering to my path, with many challenges and past life patterns showing up to be shed, the time is speeding up for me, more signs in numbers, names, people, spirit animals, guidance and my path becoming clearer each day, I walk alone but with so many with me, protecting me and guiding me. A love of infinite within us all, no matter who or what, LOVE YOU deeply and from here love all beyond thing, person and ALL in existence. No matter who you are and where you are I am with you in some way connected and I LOVE LOVE LOVE you.
As I do a card reading with my rainbow oracle cards for my night ahead and my future cards keep falling out with ease as like never before, they fall: Financial Flow, Divine Masculine, Emotional Tapestry, Apprentice, Heart Healing, Transformation (with Butterflies on it), Heart Magic, The Sage (with and Ankh on the eye in the picture) and Multi-Dimensional Self, so many amazing signs and meanings, I am thrilled beyond explanation. Yesterday the Phoenix showed up thrice a number linked to me and my numerology and I see repeated all the time, I know the momentum of realization and a pending time to be reborn is approaching, people tagging me phoenix posts, me seeing it in searches non related, but related to Hawaii as a sign to go there and it showing up in a Rumi card deck global reading I did, which beautiful messages for me and the world. My name being called at the café I am at 3 times and I know this is a sign I am at the right place and now 24 months later from meeting Ben and the Phoenix signs began.
I am about to be boarding a bus to Phoenix Arizona with 3 crystal gifted me by one of my best friends Lindsay who I know deeply from many lives past (sharing the same star sign as my mum) a crystal of my life purpose (which she does not know) a red jasper and a 7th magic crystal, on my way to Sedona (a sacred place in our world) to meet up with a friend off Facebook called Ryan (alias Orion) on my way to protest in Dakota with the Native Americans, my path ahead and full of excitement and passion for the journey unfolding, deeply missing a part of me, which I desire to reclaim within, for the bitter sweet memories of Mum, Ben and Ryan, Jessie, Azrael and Xavier, those souls that feel so close to home and a tearing of the bond I felt with them. Although my mum is always with me and I know all these souls will cross my path, I feel as a Phoenix rising from the ashes to a new dawn, a new day and a brighter future on the Horizon. The plot in my magical story and destiny thickens and I surrender again to the mystery that unfolds in my beautiful and sweet life and experience. I will see the sunrise in Phoenix Arizona and a part of me that died long ago will be reborn, this I know for certain………….